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TIME TO GO TO WAR! What just happened...?
Confederate Outpost 94-A, Laar Gunther laughed at the screens showing a prisoner screaming curses at the camera. The loudspeaker was cranked up to full, and blasted around in the staff's quarters. He doubled over, clutching his stomach in laughter, as the prisoner shouted something about stuffing poultry up one's anus. Which was the exact reason Administrator Ferid Jancic clubbed him on the head the moment he appeared. Ferid shut down his universe-shift device and requested access to the prisoner's cell. The doors opened. "Enjoying your stay?" Ferid looked at the man lying at his feet. "The guards treating you well?" Sarcos looked up. "I'm in my curse-screaming phase, so if you'll excuse me..." He turned back to the camera. "You bastards! I'll strangle you with your own rectums! You'll vomit out your-" "Ahem," coughed Ferid, "we have work to do." He grabbed Sarcos by the collar and dragged him out of the prison complex. "Techapia have decided to work with us. We're taking down North Crazy." "You're mad. That place is not even a country; it's more like a gigantic bunker armed with thermonuclear missiles that'll fire upon Techapia AND our base the moment they catch a whiff of us." Sarcos allowed himself to slide across the floor. "Or is that why you need me?" "Like you said," Ferid continued, "the whole country is a huge bunker with anti-everything turrets on the top. What's more, they kill enough of their own men to root out any spies. So it's impenatrable, invincible and uninfiltrable. What we need is a new type of weapon that'll drill through that shell and get us inside, quick." Sarcos smiled. "I have just the idea for that." He ran back to his cell and retreived a sheaf of schematics. "I thought of the same thing while being locked up. North Crazy is such an arsehole, I've decided to build something that'll destroy them. Just in case you don't know, nukes are out, 'cause it's also nuke-proof." He unfurled the schematics. "I call it the Smelter Bomb." Ferid peered at the design. "I'm not sure...let me consult with somebody else." Ferid grabbed the papers and shifted back to where he came from. Thirty minutes later in the break room Ferid re-materialised and gave Sarcos back his papers. "They said it was genius." "But?" Sarcos said knowingly. "The instant they found out you designed it, they were like" - Ferid took a deep breath - "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US IT WAS SARCOS!? DESTROY IT! DESTROY IT BEFORE IT KILLS US ALL!" "Is that accurate?" "Totally." Jake sighed. "But I have a feeling James won't flag this. So go ahead. Block 85's got all the equipment you need." The PA system shouted, "Marconesian Ships within range. All special officers please report to Dock C." Ships that were manufactured in Marconesia had two facts: they were extremely heavily armed, and extremely slow. "It's gonna take that one a few minutes to reach here." Ferid glanced at his watch. "We should blow it out of the water!" a random officer shouted. "No! It'd provoke a war! We're not against Marconesia." The ship was getting closer, and Ferid could make out a figure standing on the bow. "WAR! TIME TO GO TO WAR!" Marcoro's naval commander - Schmidt, or whatever his name was - shouted in a fit of pure fury. The light guns shifted in their direction. Schmidt gave a war cry, and ordered the guns to fire. A well-placed EMP mine stopped the weapons from firing, and shut down the engines. Ferid blew a raspberry at Schmidt. But before he could say anything, a small rocket launched from above hit the ship's bridge, but did not detonate. Instead, it started spilling acidic chemicals which poured onto the decks below. Schmidt screamed like a girl and jumped ship. Sarcos poked his head outside the broken window he had fired the missile from. Ferid gave him a thumbs-up. "What just happened?" the same random officer called. "You'll pay for this! Marcoro will avenge meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..." Schmidt's voice faded away as the guards tasered him. "That actually worked," commented Ferid, "never thought you would finish it so fast." Sarcos shrugged. "Talent."